Who do you refer to as your friends? Is it the person who spends the most time with you? Or the person who is always there in times of trouble? Is this a real good definition of a friend or only a construed meaning of what a real friend should be?
We could look up the meaning in a dictionary, but anyone could do that. And that won’t change the answer you have inside your own thoughts. What do you truly feel a real friend is, what do you believe yourself a true friend to be.
Reason why I bring this up because, someone I once believed to be a good friend of mine, when I really paid close attention too, was not a very good friend to me. My definition of a friend is someone who has similar views and beliefs close to your own. Someone you can relate to and who you believe understands how you feel.
To further elaborate on this, a friend should be a give-and-take type of relationship, and not solely taking or giving, but it must be equal on both sides of the spectrum. Without this balance someone is being taken advantage of, in which unfortunately many mistake a friendship to be and think that is how it should be.
Also a friend should be one to encourage and support a friend’s decision, if they know and believe in their friend’s choice. There will be times where friends will disagree, which is alright, everyone has the right to choose for themselves. But to still believe in them, even though they don’t particular care for the cause, is what a friendship is about.
In my particular situation I had a friend, let’s name him Bob to protect his name here. Whom was going through some tough times, his girlfriend at the time of 3 years was not treating him like crap, little did I know he was contributing too, but I felt bad for him and befriended him and helped him out. I let him stay with us and my family when he finally decided to leave her and stood up for him. We talked and got to know each other better, and became decent friends, or so I thought. I soon found out how much of friend he was when he came in to live with us.
At first things seemed good, our agreement was for him to get back on his feet and get a place of his own. I know he needed to recoup some funds from his job before getting a place so I knew it might be a few months or so before he could make some significant steps forward. A few months passed and it seemed as if nothing more had happened, he was making himself at home, and not much progress on trying to move forward. Started making him pay rent to help things speed along, and cover his expenses he has accrued while in our household.
And this whole time, we were further from being in touch than when we were not in the same household. Come to find out he has been spending his time building another relationship after he came out of the one he has been in. Wanted the best for him, but advised it may not be the right time to begin starting another relationship.
So fast forward, and now Bob and his new girlfriend were living with us!!! I don’t know how it came about, but it did. When you believe you are friends you are sometimes blinded to their manipulated ways. Although it was brief before they got their own place together it still happened.
To bring you to the present, Bob and his new girl, who I’ll call Bertha, broke up, and took all of his stuff. Even though I warned him about the relationship to begin with, I still was there for him. Now to back track a bit I got involved with my own business and brought him along too, because I knew it could help him as it has helped us. To be more involved with my business and spend some more time with family, I felt it was time to switch jobs, I told Bob this and he said I was crazy and that my business will fail me.
Now I know it seems as if I have drifted far from course here on whom our real friends are, but this example explains more than any words I could write, through personal experience. At that moment I realized that he was not my friend, because he did not support me, but more importantly he didn’t believe he would ever get out of the 9 to 5 rat race they most people believe is the only option. I didn’t realize how much of a friend he wasn’t until I myself began to grow personally.